I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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