I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
