What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
