But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
