I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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