he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
