I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
