I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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