..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize