What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
