You're my little dorito
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
