Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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