I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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