i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
