He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
