what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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