Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
