you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
