hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
