Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
