I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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