beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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