I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
