Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
