She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize