Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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