I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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