i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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