the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize