I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize