tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
