bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
