People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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