were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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