I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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