I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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