I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
