I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
