did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
