I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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