Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
