the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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