he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
