dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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