I smell stomach acid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's never too late to be topless.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
