I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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