I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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