someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
