I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
