she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
