this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
