capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
