I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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