I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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