the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pants are for mortals
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
