well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
