Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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