I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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