hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
