No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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