So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
