haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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