Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
