Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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