please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize